I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
