Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
