he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
