Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
only if we run a train.
done.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
