I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
