I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
