Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
