He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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