Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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