We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
