i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize