she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
