somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
