That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
