and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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