I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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