I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
