Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
