The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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