He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Randomize
