I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
