When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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