Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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