I need help removing her.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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