whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
