She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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