Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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