it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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