He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That accounts for only three of the penises
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
