i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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