what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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