I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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