recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
