Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
