Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
