Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
