I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
