Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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