I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
