So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
