i'm signing you up for texting rehab
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
