peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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