I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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