Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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