Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
