The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
