just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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