He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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