I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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