You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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