Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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