i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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