I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
