babies were throwing up all over the place
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
