That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
