I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
