I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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