Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
