i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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