my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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