I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
