Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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