when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
