You just made me feel so damn special
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
