Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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