if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
