like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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