what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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