why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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