you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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