So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
