my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Everyone says I win the strip club
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
