Your mouth is God's brothel.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
