Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
