Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
