His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
