The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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