The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
