oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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