Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize