I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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