You're my little dorito
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
