Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
